Hi guys. So I wanted to just sit down and write. Tell you what’s going on in my life and just how I’ve been feeling lately. Sometimes I bottle everything in and try to handle a million things all by myself and deal with it. I don’t often ‘share’ what’s on my mind. It’s just how I have always been. But the downside of that is eventually it comes out in some way. These past two weeks I’ve been off. Today has been one of those days where nothing seems to go right and you are just in a slump and want to curl up on the couch.
I’m writing this because I get countless messages from you guys asking how I keep it together. How I manage to stay productive, clean the house, cook meals, work, take care of my twins, go on runs while staying positive. Yes most of the time I try my best to do it all, but then there are days like today where I realize nobody is perfect and that’s okay.
We went to Texas to visit family about two weeks ago. I think it was two weeks ago… Ha what is time these days anyways?? The girls both got sick after and then I got sick. Being sick with twin toddlers is not very fun. And then when your house is a complete disaster because you haven’t unpacked, you feel that much more frustrated. I’ve said this before but when my house is a mess, I’m a mess. They truly go hand in hand. So that threw off my work schedule. I always upload on Tuesdays and Thursdays and when that doesn’t happen you know something is off. Maybe tmi but then I got a bladder infection. Ugh nothing worse. I tried to fight it off naturally for some time but eventually got some antibiotics. So that’s been fun. And then Andrew got sick.
The girls have been so funny and cute lately but they manage to test my limits all day long. That wears on you. And Violet has fallen on the cement three times in the last week resulting in a huge bump on her forehead every time. I don’t why, but whenever they get a bump, bruise, scrap I absolutely hate it. I feel so bad and want to fix it even though I can’t and it’s out of my control. I don’t want anything to go wrong for them. I feel so overly protective like I have to make sure they are so safe and when anything happens to them it physically hurts me.
Sometimes I find myself standing in the kitchen drinking some coffee or eating peanut butter cups tuning out the whines and just taking some deep breaths. Working from home and being a stay at mom can be HARD. It can drain you and test every limit you have. You have to constantly balance getting what you need to get done with taking care of your kids and it really never stops. And sometimes you get lonely. A lot of that is my fault though. I’d rather do it all myself than ask for help. And I’m so bad at planning stuff with my friends. When you don’t leave the house all day you can feel like you are in this bubble and don’t even know what’s happening in the world. Oh super important events on the news? I wouldn’t even know. But I can tell you how many poops my girls have had, how many spills I’ve cleaned up and how many snacks I’ve made.
When all you ever see is a curated Instagram feed, I know that can make you look at your life and think you aren’t doing enough. I’m sharing this so you know that I’m right there with you. I too have days where I don’t put on any make up and just feel gross. I have afternoons where I haven’t gotten anything done on my to-do list. I have nights where I just want to lay on the couch and fall asleep and it’s only 8:00.
So with all of that said, you and me, we got this. We can do it but it’s okay to have these moments. My girls are currently in their room (I put them down for a nap 30 minutes ago and they still aren’t asleep) but they just started hysterically laughing at each other. It’s like God gives me these little perfect moments where I can’t help but smile and realize life is good. Yes there are going to be hard times, but that is what makes you learn and grow as a parent. I know I’ll look back on this time and think man that was exhausting but man do I miss it.